The Hidden Cost of Being Feminine as a Tall Woman | Why Tall Women Struggle With Femininity

I've spoken quite a few times on this podcast about how tall women are often masculinized. It can look like people saying that you make them feel so small, always asking you to carry the heavy stuff because you're quote unquote big and strong, being told you're intimidating or scary, misgendering you. Even there are many examples of this actually like happening to us, but there isn't really talk about the other side of things, more so us internalizing this and finding it weird or awkward to portray ourselves in a feminine way. This is a struggle that many of us tall women face. So we're going to talk a little bit about that in this episode, and even take it a step further and talk about how when some tall women come across as or try to be feminine, they're apparently punished for it. So, without further ado, let's get into it. Good morning, everybody. You are currently listening to a Tall Girls podcast hosted by a tall girl named India. Help. Everyone who is suiting in today is doing super fantastic. Before I get into this episode, I do want to say make sure you're following me on my socials at a Toll Girls podcast on Instagram, TikTok, and pinches so that you can stay up to date on all of the latest podcast episodes and catch a glimpse of my everyday life. Also, feel free toly me review and let me know how tall you are. I'm genuinely curious. I also have a monthly newsletter, make sure you subscribe to that. Everything is going to be linked in the description. I hope everyone who's tuning in is doing fantastic. Before getting into this episode, I just want to think one of you guys, thank you to eight Pencils for buying me a coffee. I appreciate all of my listeners and supporters of this podcast truly, and buying me a coffee is, you know, just that little cherry on top. So if you want to support the podcast and buy me a coffee, the link for that is in the description. It's five bucks. But also if you don't, that's okay too. I honestly just appreciate you spending your time with me right now. And you know things can be expensive and five dollars can definitely go a long way for other things, so that's definitely completely understandable. But I just wanted to give a quick shout out to eight Pencils for buying me a coffee. Thank you. Now back to the topic of tall women and femininity. We talk a lot about how tall women are masculine eyes, but not really the other side where some tall women struggle to feel feminine and kind of tap into that side of themselves. And if you're a tall girly tuning into this right now, let me know if you've ever struggled with that. And this struggle, in my personal opinion, has several complex root causes, because learning to feel feminine as a tall woman goes beyond just wearing skirts and dresses ones that are long enough. On top of that, while yes, that is part of it, it's also working through the years of experiences that painted us in a more masculine light. The body comparisons, the oh you make me feel so small, struggling to find traditionally feminine clothes and shoes, the microaggressions, etc. There's actually a post on Reddit of a tall woman essentially asking if there are other tall women who also find it hard to feel feminine, and there was one response that actually stood out to me. I'm going to just summarize it because it's a bit long, but this other tall woman. She said that she is still trying to master the skill of feeling feminine because for most of her life she didn't feel ladylike at all because of her height, due to many reasons, including tall women being associated with the term woman warrior, being surrounded with the idea that being ladylike means being petite, or even her feeling like the protector in her friend group at the clerb at the club because of her height because her height comes off as intimidating. And these are just a few examples of how and why some tall women struggle to feel feminine. Let's hear a few other examples. Tall women can at times struggle to connect with their inner femininity. Growing up, most women were shown one version of womanhood that included a smaller and softer energy. Men were valued as tall protectors, the ones you fit into as a woman. So when you grow up as a tall girl, especially when you taller than most women and a lot of men, there's a quiet to disconnect that forums. On the outside, you can look feminine, you can dress feminine, even move feminine, but internally you can feel masculine in ways you never asked to not because you are masculine, but because the world taught us that size and gender norms equate. And there's a real longing that comes with that, as women, to feel physically embraced, to feel held without shrinking, to feel like that girl, the one who gets wrapped up in her man's arms. It's hard to explain unless you've lived it, but I know my tall girls know exactly what I'm talking about. All I would hear growing up is, oh my god, how you're ever going to find a boyfriend that's tool than you? Oh my god, what boy's gonna want you? You're too tool. Keep in mind I was thirteen fourteen fifteen, in the midst of my insecurity. From my heart. I hated my heart. This is when I was looking up heart reduction surgery. And at that age in high school, when you have an insecurity, everything feels like an attack. You notice everything. For example, the vocab used towards girls that were shorter or average height were very much words like small, the teat tiny, girly. So when the vocab used towards me included a lot of big, giant tool, I took that as confirmation that I am not girly. Enough to be a girl like I'm not feminin enough. I feel so masculine because to me back then those words were very masculine. And growing up I loved playing sports but also as a tool girl. There is so much pressure for you to want to play a sport and to be good simply because of what your body looks like. But nonetheless many of us prevail. And that's on period. We work through these things. We work through the experiences and I will say, the trauma and the insecurities and so forth, and learn to tap into our femininity or at least try to, because we want to come across as feminine, We want to feel that way, we want to be that way. And I will say many tall women do come across that way. They have a more relaxed and warm demeanor. They walk tall and confidently. They have an expressive and receptive communication style. They wear the makeup and the jewelry and you know, the traditionally feminine clothes and shoes when they find stuff that you know fit or are long enough. They have an approachable, nurturing, non threatening presence. Like all of those things contribute to the femininity of a tall woman. And when we have those things. Apparently, some tall women feel as though we are punished for having those feminine qualities. So apparently some tell women feel as though we are punished for trying to express femininity or appear feminine like it upsets people in a way. I guess there's this disconnect where because height is tied to masculinity, anything that contradicts that can make people react negatively. I actually find an interesting video that kind of talks about this, so I'm gonna play it here. I have been told that women who are five nine and above are basically a man, so they can hit us like we're men. I have dated short kings. Here's the thing about a short king. If that man is insecure, it's about to. Be a issue. He is going. It's like when a pretty girl dates an ugly guy. The moment he gets comfortable is going to punish you for every imagined slight, any slikes from the past. You are about to be his punching bag. And if you're tall, I mean that literally, because you're a man. To them. You're tall, You're a man. You can hold your own, you don't need to be protected. Don't get in it with me about this whole well, moota. Men protect women from yeah, but when you're a tall woman, men ain't coming to protect you from other men at all. Granted they don't protect a lot of women now, but you get what I'm saying. When I was working at Cheeberger Cheaberger in downtown Auburn in twenty twenty one, twenty twenty two, I was working back of house. This guy's name was Ethan and I think the other kid's name was Eli. Ethan was called Dipper. Both of them were sitting there having a conversation and they were talking about started with women rappers and how they've destroyed our society because this was when Cardi B and Meghan dropped wop and they were like, that's but then they start focusing on Meghan. I'm the same height as Megan, the stallion. They Megan was one of the first, the first women to ever make me feel like I could be a beautiful sexual being and be tall, being a stallion. Like she took that back. I love her for that. But anyway, they were talking about her and they were like, that's an it. How tall she is. She's an it. She deserves to be dragged by her hair. If you know, or they weren't even calling her she, they were calling her it. And then they started referring to her as a man. And there are so many layers within that, as two young white boys describing a black woman as a man, and you know all that. But they were not thinking of it as that they probably did subconsciously. They were focused though, on her being so tall, that she was now an it, and that she deserved to be hurt for being an it, and for corrupting femininity with her foul language and foul all of it. You know, when I got diagnosed with CPTSD, a lot of stuff made sense about shame and all this. But then recently I've gotten to thinking, especially when you learn about the studies about men's brains and how angry they get when they see a woman who's not attractive, And I realized it's not CPTSD. And a lot of people tried to make it seem like there was something wrong with me for feeling a shame to go out, But at the end of the day, no I could read the room. I wasn't gaslighting myself for making myself a fire. No I felt the anger, and I would tell my friends like don't set me up on that blind date. No, I don't want to be the you know, you're going out with all their friends, so now you've got to be bring a friend and they would never call you the ugly friend. But you know that's why, because once you're tall, you're immediately classified as ugly to a lot of men. The same way now that I'm fat, I'm immediately ugly to men and women, and being fat and tall is a whole nother ballgame. Good God, people make me feel like a monster sometimes. But I would tell my friends I don't want to go because people get so offended. Men get so offended and angry when I walk in the room, and women, I would say that it would feel like they were disappointed when I showed up because and this was really bad of me. I was like, they had done nothing wrong to have to see me and feel upset at my presence because I had internalized it so much and now I'm just like, yeah, I'm not going to internalize it. But they are a lot of people are when I walk through the door, especially if it's an event of all skinny people, especially if it's an event of skinny, short women and you're tall guys and they're all fit and skinny or anything hateful, and this all ties into part of it being fat, but especially as a tall woman, we're not allowed to perform femininity the same way others are, and when we do, we are punished for it. And I will forever love Megan the Stallion. I will forever love Megan as a fellow tall woman because she reclaimed a sense of sensuality and femininity for tall women. So in this video, she was mentioning how some people, to some people, if you're tall, they just automatically think that you're a man. And this kind of ties into misgendering, where you know, some people see really tall women let's say six two sixty three and up and so forth, they automatically assume that they're a man, and even seeing a tall transgender woman and still assuming that they're a man, and then people acting aggressive towards them and justifying that aggression because they think that they're a man. And I actually spoke a little bit about this in my episode on transphobia and how some people they'll see a tall woman cisgender or transgender and assume either that they're a man. So misgendering them or assume that they're trans, whether it's as gender or actually transgender, and they will say hateful things to them and use slurs and harass them and maybe even attack them. And you know, part of it is because this tall woman is presenting herself in a feminine way, and to them it's like, oh, that's a man. And so when they see that, oh it's a man acting feminine, then they have an issue with that and may react negatively because of that. And not all punishment is as intense as that. Wearing heels, for example, although it was literally worn by men back in the day, now it is a traditionally feminine piece of clothing to wear, a traditionally feminine shoe to wear. But there are stories of tall women being asked why would they wear heels? Aren't they already tall enough? Or you know, if they're going out on a day with a guy, let's say, maybe he'll look at her funny for wearing heels because she's like taller than him or the same height as him, or even before the date even occurs, maybe they're already together and he'll be like, oh, don't wear heels and just make her feel bad for it, or maybe even getting pressed or upset that that tall woman is wearing heels, or maybe being vulnerable and expressing her emotions and wanting support but not receiving it, not receiving that support because oh, like you can handle it, or maybe feeling like they're being shunned in the dating world or just in the social scene in general because they appear intimidating or scary because of their height, or even in the fashion world, although it's not necessarily a punishment, it's more because brands don't want to invest in it. But that's a whole separate topic, but it can still feel like you're being punished in the fashion world because it's like, oh, you're a size eleven or twelve shoe, you're not going to get the cute shoes because you don't have small feet. That can still kind of feel like a punishment in a way. And you know this, lady. She also brought up Meg thee Stallion. Meg the Stallion was definitely a blessing in the tall girl community, and yes, because of her hype, but not just only solely because of her hype, because oh yeah, models are tall and they're feminine and blah blah blah, all that stuff. But also because she is a black woman, and she has more of an athletic build, Like have you seen those videos of her working out? She puts that work in all of those things. Being black, you know, being tall, having an athletic built, that contributes to society seeing tall women in a masculine way, in a masculine light. But because of her style and her presence, so many tall women have felt like, hey, like I could be a stallion too. However, she has yet been ridiculed and masculinized in the media, have had hateful things said about her said to her, even even when she got shot in the foot. It's like one thing to not care, I guess if you don't really care about the situation, But it's another thing to just be mean about it or say like, oh, she deserved it. In my personal opinion, that's just crazy. I honestly think that the common nation of things like being tall and plus size, or being tall and darker skin, being tall and having an athletic build, it definitely increases the severity of this quote unquote punishment, as this lady in the earlier video said, and because of this and because of this societal punishment psychological punishment that I like described a little bit earlier. I don't want to say it makes us tough enough, but it's kind of like we may end up being more closed off, right, We may have our walls up, we may become hyper aware, and we have to be on standby. We have to be ready to stand up for ourselves at any point in time. And then those actions in and of itself can make us appear more masculine because you know, before I would say before like the traditionally feminine traits are like open and receptive and expressive and nurturing and stuff like that. But now it's kind of like we have to be on standby and ready for these quote unquote punishments, and that can kind of make us act in a more masculine way. And then there you go. It's kind of like a cycle, Like do you understand what I'm trying to say here? It's like, Okay, people see us in a masculine light, we're quote unquote punished for it. Then we have to be more hyper aware, we have to be more close off, have our walls up, be on standby, be ready to stand up for ourselves and people are like, oh, like they have those traits, they're acting like this, they're definitely masculine. And then it's like an ongoing cycle. It's an ongoing cycle there. So it's interesting. People hating on tall confident women, people hating on tall feminine women. What's next? You know, it's just very interesting here. So yes, that brings me to the end of this episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. I really appreciate it, and I appreciate you, of course. I was always feel free to hear me up on my socials and let me know what you thought about this episode. Do you feel like tall women are punished for trying to present themselves in a more feminine light? Do you struggle as a tall with embracing your femininity tapping into your femininity? I struggle with saying femininity so badly, so I'm sorry if it sounds weird. Also, I'm sorry if you hear the birds chirping outside. I need to keep my window open so I can breathe. But you know, it's spring summer. The birds are chirping and clapping and out and about and stuff. But I'm sure you can still hear me clearly, but yeah, hit me up in my DMS comment where you are, send me an email wherever it may be, and let me know your thoughts on this episode or just let me know how you're doing in life in general. And until then, I will catch you guys in the next one. Good night and goodbye.