Growing (Literally and Figuratively) Can Be Scary...

Good morning everybody. You are currently listening to a Tall Girls podcast hosted by a tall girl named India. I hope everyone is having a super fantastic day today. Before I get into this episode, I just watch Remney to check out my social at a Tall Girl podcast on Instagram, TikTok and pictures so that you can stay updated on all of the latest podcast episodes and catch a glimpse of my everyday life. And speaking of everyday life, I don't even think that I told y'all this, but I visited my high school like two or three weeks ago. Yes, I am one of those who visit their high school even several years later. No, I don't find it embarrassing, even though I've had some really really bad time Sarah, like next level traumatic, nothing too crazy, nothing too insane. But you know, there are just certain things that teenagers should not have experienced in that school, or just should not experience in general. But whatever the past and the past, you just gotta let it go. And honestly, I do kind of still consider it my safe space for the most part. Well, if I'm in the rights offices with the right teachers and the right staff who apparently looked like they haven't aged at all. When I went there, Well, when I went there the first time, I was shocked by the fact that everybody there looked exactly the same. They looked exactly how I left them, and I'm confused. So I mean, going this time around, I don't I don't think I was truly surprised that they still look exactly the same. But I'm just I just sat there like, Wow, do y'all just not age? And you know, I mentioned this to one of my teachers and she was like, Oh, this place is like the fountain of you if it keeps us young. And the first thing on my mind was, you know, were are you not complaining about how these high school students are giving you wrinkles and gray hairs from stress? A couple of minutes ago you were doing just that. So you went from oh my gosh, these students are driving me crazy. Well, I mean it is the end it was is I don't know, Oh yeah, because they're still in session. It is the end of the year for them. So what I want to everybody's like talking to their guidance counselor, because some people are graduating going to college, others you're like preparing to apply for college, and then you have like the freshmen, you have the kids that are coming in whose parents. It was so funny. I was sitting there and one of the conversations at the guidance counselor's office, I heard over the phone one of the staff she was like arguing with a parent about why her child was wait listed and how to take the child off the wait list. And I was like, this is like, this is what actually happens. You're yelling at a guy. No, she's not even a guidance council. She's like a secretary for one of the staff. Like she just just there answers the phone and like Derek's phone calls and stuff like that. I mean, that's an important job. I don't know why, but they seem like it's absolutely nothing, but the fact that you actually had to go and that was just one call and I was just sitting there with her for like twenty minutes. So imagine the entire day, the entire week, the entire month, when these kids are preparing to go to high school and you have parents yelling at you to take their child off the wait list. Oh sorry, but homegirl don't even have that amount of power to do that. So when I'm hearing Fountain them you keep too young, like what, it's to RESTful. I mean, it looks everybody in there looks stressed. But you know what, I just gotta be glad that I'm not going to be working in a school. Honestly, I shouldn't say never, say never. I shouldn't say that, but not in that way. I'm not trying to work with the school. And you know, whatever works for you, if you believe it keeps you young, then you know it keeps you young. But when I was having a conversation up there, in my time up there, a lot of the teachers, a lot of my old teachers were asking me, even new teachers, oh my gosh, there are so many new staff there replacing old teachers, old staff, and it just feels really strange seeing new faces. I'm like, damn, like you really took my favorite teacher spot. Anyways, not one of my favorite teacher spots, but anyways, a lot of them knew and old staff were asking me how old I was, and I'm twenty one. So me being me, I just said, oh, y'all, like I'm twenty one because I come out. I did a whole episode on my twenty first birthday, a whole hour long episode. And you know, I spend time with myself every single day, so it's just normal, like yeah, I'm twenty one, and yeah, yeah, y'all, Like it doesn't feel weird anymore, Like I guess I've grown it to my age. But their faces were an utter shock, utter dismay, like they just got some insane, mind boggling, life changing, earth shattering news. I'm just making it sounds so much more extra than it actually is. Like I just told these people in my age, y'all are acting like it's something crazy. But then again, these people don't see me every day. These people haven't seen me in three years, so I guess I can understand because you know, when you're old student, I'm trying to look at that from their perspective. When you're old, stomans come back. You know, you look at them the way you looked at them when they were in high school. You still kind of feel like they're your high school student, so you don't see them as an actual adult. WHOA, that's crazy. But I'm just sitting there all confused as to why their faces are like, oh my gosh, and I'm saying, yeah, you know, like are all good. But then it hit me. I graduated from this place three years ago. These people watch me go from fifteen to sixteen to seventeen to eighteen, haven't seen me in a while, and now all of a sudden, I'm twenty one. Not even all of a sudden. They'll come on, dude, like, it's been three years. You should have kind of put the pieces together. Every time I'm there, I'm almost like, oh my god, three years, three years, three years. So through the math, but I don't think it really gotten to their brains. I don't think they really processed it until I actually told them that I was twenty one, and it's like where has time gone? I understand why they looked at me that way for the most part, but dude, like it's also kind of hitting me in that way too, like, Wow, I am twenty one? What what's going on here? I literally turned in my last paper for my junior year last week, just a few days ago. I'm a senior. I can't even put that together. I can't put the buzzle pieces together just yet. But I just know that I'm a senior. How like I'm I'm not even confused at this point. I'm confusion. That's how bad it is. I am confusion. I just feel like I finished my freshman year of college bro well, mainly because this is this was my first year actually physically being on a college campus. Because if you don't know, I spent my first two years completely online. No, no, I was not going well. I mean I did go on campus like twice to take an exam in my sophomore year, but that doesn't really count because I just went there and then came back home. But I still feel I feel like I'm going into my sophomore year because this was like I sent my first year physically on a campus, and I just feel like, wow, I'm just starting my college experience. Like no, like, girl, it's about to add I'm like, yeah, like I just started my college experience, like I'm getting the hang of everything, and YadA, YadA, YadA. Another girl, it's about to be done. It's about to be overWe and it's like I'm legit growing up and I am scared because do you do you ever just think to yourself, like what am I doing with my life? Genuinely? What am I doing with myself? I feel so lost? Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? What am I even supposed to be doing? It's just too much mathematics, too many calculations. I get I'm a business major and I'm supposed to be doing all of that, but I'm extremely overwhelmed. And I could just feel the literal growing pains coming on. Oh my gosh. If you're if you are a tall you understand the problem with growing pains, that aching and throbbing pain that keeps you up all night in your knees and your legs, et cetera, Because that essentially means I believe that you're physically growing. I think you know. I'm not a doctor of any sort. I'm not even taking any health courses, so please do not quote me on it. That's just what I was told growing up, that growing pains. And you say you're getting taller, But it's just even though that's physical pain, that can apply like mentally and emotionally, right, because as you get older, that safety net of being around your parents all the time, or being under your parents, or being in school, or being with your childhood friends or living in your hometown is literally just about to slip away. What's familiar, what's uncomfortable, is gonna start slipping away. Then that feeling of being uncomfortable is that growing pain. The pain that you felt in your knees and your legs that helps you to grow taller, is like that pain that you feel when you lose everything that you're so attached to and what you formed a connection with, you know, to make space for the new things coming into your life that ultimately will help you grow into the person that you're supposed to become. Okay, now they're they're not really super uber exactly the same. What I'm trying to say is you start losing everything you once loved. And I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. Just like a prime example when I was when I graduated from high school. Not to say that I lost all of my friends there, because you know, I still have a good that like a small amount of friends that I've still talked to this day, and we're still close even after we graduated high school, even though we go to completely different colleges. But a lot of the people that I did form a connection with, especially in the later years, they're just gone. A lot of the staff and the teachers who I could just walk into their office when I feel like crying, or I have a problem that I need help with, or who I just I'm having a bad day. I could just sit there and just have a conversation about absolutely nothing. Like I can't do that anymore. You're telling me that I have to Well, I couldn't back then, but hypothetically you're telling me that I have to go and I have to make new connections with professors who low key don't even want to give me the time of day. Just do your work, get the great and give me a good rating so I can keep my job. What it's the same thing with losing the friends that you've made in at school. It's like you're telling me that you know I can't just I mean, I can, but I also can't, you know what I mean, I can't but I can't reach out to you and just you know, be like, yeah, let's go out and hang out. You're telling me that I have to go and meet new people and make new friends. It was already hard and scary making those connections back then, but like it's times ten in college. That's just that's personally how I feel and even though it's not similar, I mean kind of is. I'm kind of insinuating that it is. But even though it's not like the growing pains that you feel in your knees and your legs, et cetera, et cetera, you still feel some type of pain, You still feel some type of sadness of having to let go of that to grow into the person that she wants to become, because it's ultimately just you stepping out of your comfort zone and you forming the life, forming the connections that you're meant to take with you into the future. Just like how your growing pains, you're not meant to stay three feet tall your entire life. You're not meant to stay four feet taller your entire life. It's bringing you to the heigh that you're meant to take with you into your adulthood, if that makes sense. But you know what, if we're on the same wavelength, you get the vibe. You understand that they're somewhere in that boat. And honestly, I hated growing pains as a child zero out of ten wouldn't recommend there's probably an easier and less painful way to grow taller. But anyways, growing both figuratively and literally is scary. But it's okay. That's what I'm trying to tell myself. Everyone goes through it, no matter what stage of life you're in, whatever big changes you're prepping for, you are not alone. I'm right there with you. We got this. You know. I've been trying to do this thing where I give myself high fives, and honestly, if you don't give yourself high fives, like, what are you doing? You need to hype yourself up. Give yourself a high five right now. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna give you one. I'm gonna give you a high five right now. One, two, three, damn. Okay. If you're listening to an audio version of this, this is probably weird, but you know, it's the thought that counts. Just imagine it, Just imagine it. But I think we're gonna end this episode here. Thank you so so much for listening to me be confused about life and what I don't even think it's just me being confused about life. It's just me being surprised that I'm twenty one, that it's so weird of in twenty one. For over a month, all those two months, now, like I did a whole episode on what I did for my birthday, the whole thing about how I'm accepting the fact that I am and well, not an adult adult, but kind of getting to an adult adult. And I'm just saying, like, whoa, Like I'm actually getting to an adult adult. And it was simply because of that one high school visit when everybody would ask me how old I am. I think it's just me trying to process that a lot of big changes are coming up, and I would keep you guys updated as time goes on. And I don't know if I'm mentally prepared. You know, I'm mentally prepared for some of them, but I don't know if I'm mentally prepared for all of them. That's that I think that's what's happening right now. I don't think I'm mentally prepared for all of them. And some of the reasons it is out of my control, like me spending so much time at home on my first two years, and some are in art what some reasons are in my control. So I just need to focus on the things that I'm in control of, taking a step at a time, giving myself a giving myself a high five and a pound on the back and just going with emotions and seeing what happens. But don't be afraid to put yourself out there, don't hold yourself back. YadA YadA ya. That's why I need to keep telling myself, reminding myself, etc. Etc. So yeah, anyways, thank you so much for listening to the end of this episode. I really appreciate it, and I appreciate you as always. Feel free to hit me up on my socials at a Tall Ghost podcast on Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest and let me know what the vibe is like, what crazy changes are gonna go on in your life in the coming days, weeks, months, years. Maybe we can battle those together, you know, fight let's let's not fight them. We actually want the good changes to happen. But let me know what's going on in your life and we could just chit chat about how we have no clue what the heck is going on, because girls say Also, feel free to leave me a review, let me know how tall you are. I'm curious, genuinely still looking for my hight twin and yeah, I will catch her the next one. Good night and goodbye.